Clear up, Random.

Jane Austen, Emma: "Men of sense, whatever you may choose to say, do not want silly wives."

MDB: He might as well have met you with milk and cookies and said "Miilz theres a thunderstorm! I'm scared!"!

[Post "BS- Circus video]
DWS: This from the girl who brought me Two girls One cup!

The Guardian; Charlie Brooker on nightclubs:

"Because you might get a shag," is the usual response. Really? If that's the only way you can find a partner - preening and jigging about like a desperate animal - you shouldn't be attempting to breed in the first place. What's your next trick? Inventing fire? People like you are going to spin civilisation into reverse. You're a moron, and so is that haircut you're trying to impress. Any offspring you eventually blast out should be drowned in a pan before they can do any harm. Or open any more nightclubs.

Even if you somehow avoid reproducing, isn't it a lot of hard work for very little reward? Seven hours hopping about in a hellish, reverberating bunker in exchange for sharing 64 febrile, panting pelvic thrusts with someone who'll snore and dribble into your pillow till 11 o'clock in the morning, before waking up beside you with their hair in a mess, blinking like a dizzy cat and smelling vaguely like a ham baguette? Really, why bother? Why not just stay at home punching yourself in the face?

Russell Howard:
Who the fuck has a pet cow?!

RP: Oh!!! Santa Claus! ...And his wife ;)
Santa X: No presents for you!

Christmas

Re: red button on TV.
SD: Wiecej szkody zrobi srodowisku pierdniecie zajaca.

DWS: I have to stop using BBC Sport for cupcakes.

P M c K: "You are not responsible for the hand you have been dealt, but it is always up to you how you play it."

Socrates: "The unexamined life is not worth living."

P M c K: "Most perception is projection - we most dislike in others what we fear can be found in ourselves!"

Marianne Williamson:
"Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightening about shrinking,
So that other people won't feel insecure around you."

P M c K: "'Failure' is an attitude, not an outcome."

MD: I always imagined him to be black. And old.
MJS: No, he has hair.

MD: Pije rozcienczony soczek.
ND: Woda?
MD: Nie. Wodka.

Introducing the Dictionary Book

Following the untimely death of the Swan Book [may it RIP and never be recycled] it's been pretty hard to keep up with the hilarity or just sheer awesomeness of the people I know.

Fortunately, one of these brilliant people managed to spot the lack of writing equipment, and has produced a beautiful replacement - the Dictionary Book - for my birthday :) Many thanks.

That said-

[MD: Something along the lines of 'Did you see that?']
DWS: No. I can't see because my eyes are closed.

Re: Almost getting kicked by two horses in three days
SD: Zajmij sie moze swinkami morskimi albo chomikami!

[Part of an epic tale of cookie monsters and evil companies.]
LDC: Give me a cookie and I'll show you an ad!

AT: GAT, what should I say to that? I can't think of a witty response!

MRT: She'd probably been given the wrong pills that day, given the state of the Polish health-care system.