So that's mine and AJZ's facebook history sifted through. I now have a couple of phones to get through as well, so more to follow. [Apologies to anyone nosey/bored enough to be reading this for the bilinguality. Which should totally be a word. Or bilingualness.
The word "bilingual" has now lost all meaning to me.
Oh well...]
[Well, I'm glad that's settled then!]
MD: clothes are a plus when meeting pompous medics
MD: wstalam o 3 i zdecydowalam ze mi za goraco i musze sie rozebrac...ale cos mi z tym nie wyszlo i sie obudzilam z jedna noga w nogawce i bluzce na biodrach... :/// lol
["Fuckdie" makes an appearance quite a few times from both of us... Worrying.]
AJZ: haha w ogole jest glupi ja mu łaske robie chce byc polite mowie so i can walk u downstairs.. a on taki 'no im find ill walk myself out' a ja <jigglypuff> 'OK whatever... fuckdie'
[Some Polish jokes.]
<max12>przejebane, mam dwie laski i obie dostały okres w tym samym czasie
<seba>przejebane bys miał jakby obie nie dostały
kryzys dotknal Szwajcarie, co czwarte dziecko nie ma iPoda
<Severius> jeżeli w ameryce dostaniesz karę 250lat więzienia
<Severius> to jak zdechniesz w celi
<Severius> to twoje truchło będzie czekało do końca kary?
<Matek ™> wiadomo
<Matek ™> ale moze wyjsc za dobre sprawowanie
<lyczos>omg ,ludzie to mnie czasem dobijają.. : D
<Tabrox> ?
<lyczos> bo wiesz, ja pracuje na infolinii w 36.6 - tych od tel. kom
<Tabrox>no i?
<lyczos>i dzowni dziś koleś i że on wolałby jednak tego bobra
<bio> Prawdziwy mężczyzna nie je miodu, tylko żuje pszczoły
<Dhenuka> w kawiarniach powinni serwować kawe dla emo... byłaby czarna, z czaszka na filiżance, zamiast ciasteczka kawałek szkła i nazywałaby się 'depresso'
<Konsi> kiedyś dorwe tego chuja co tak wkręca te czupaczupsy w ten pierdolony papierek >.>
<kalas> wiesz jak się nazywa samica psa?
<wacu> no suka...
<kalas> a samica konia?
<wacu> klacz?
<kalas> a samica rysia?
<wacu> a skąd mam wiedzieć? rysiowa, rysinka?
<kalas> grażynka
[And then some English jokes. These aren't nearly as funny...]
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit
<Batty> Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep> rapc?
<Batty> ...
<Batty> Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep> oic
<Batty> Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep> wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall
[Small victories?]
AJZ: chumorze humorze what - ever brzmi tak samo wiec wszyscy tanczmy... ja tez jestem w zlym humorze do tego stopnia ze ciesze sie ze wszystkiego zrobilam siku YAYY!!!
MD: LOL!moge sie z toba cieszyc? XD z czegos w koncu musze! haha XD
[Ahh, the beauty of online dating. I actually quite liked this one. It's original!]
After careful consideration of your profile, I would just like to let you know that I have already married and divorced you in my head. Your police career path totally wouldn't work with my [legit] job.
Thanks so much for all the wonderful imaginary memories...you'll always have a place in my heart.
Your ex-hubby,
RRJ
P.S. You can keep the horse and I'll keep the house in Hawaii.
[Swine flu embarrassment]
AJZ: ja nie chce umierac na swinska grype? jak to brzmi... umarla! na co? na swinska grype (nie nie nie nie!!!)
MD: :((( iiik. to zapisz sie kude no!!! nie umieraj! Jak umrzesz to ci na nagrobku napisze 'zmarla smiercia swinsko-grypna' XD
[Fat back...]
MD: zdecydowalam ze mam grube plecy XD
hahahaha how the fuck mozna miec grube plecy? XD
[Nie kradnij.]
AJZ: czy ty ukradlas mi klucze?
MD: LMAO!
nie chyba nie??? =|
hold on...
nie? :S lol
AJZ: :P:P nie no ale to chwila... to gdzie jest moj pies i moja voodoo doll?
no bez jaj :D:D:D LOL
[Dafaq?]
AJZ: witam cie.
pozdrawiam,
twoj pokoj
[Hooray for verbalmashups!]
AJZ: congratuwelldone :P:P:P UCL - best emergency planners in a whole wide world damnit!
[More jokes.]
<m4tt> wiesz.. 67% dziewczyn nie uzywa mozgu
<funky_girl> ja naleze do tych 13 %
<birdy> czaisz akcję?
<birdy> jadę ostatnio autobusem.
<birdy> miejsca zajęte, jakaś starsza kobitka stoi
<birdy> jakiś dwumetrowy paker się poczuł, podszedł do niej i ją pod boczek prowadzi do siedzienia
<birdy> "babcia se pierdolnie"
<sacrum_profanum> kurwa jak pomysle ze mam wstawac w niedziele o 6 rano to chuj mnie strzela normalnie
<Ja> a po co tak rano?
<sacrum_profanum> do roboty kurwa
<Ja> a gdzie pracujesz?
<sacrum_profanum> ksiedzem jestem
a propos morgue talk
<Cyb> Słuchaj, jaka historia
<Alq> dajesz
<Cyb> Koleżance mojej kuzynki
<Cyb> coś sie złego działo w pochwie i okolicach, jakieś swędzenie i te sprawy
<Cyb> To poszła do lekarza
<Cyb> i lekarz tam wykrył jakiegoś grzyba
<Cyb> i nie wiedział, jak go leczyc, bo on wystepuje tylko u trupów
<Alq> ano, trupów sie nie leczy
<Cyb> ale zczaj to
<Cyb> jej facet pracuje w kostnicy...
<kasia> cze, poklikamy
<jebie_twiją_starą> zobacz moj nick
<kasia> no widze i co ?
<jebie_twiją_starą> nie rozumiesz...
<kasia> nie, ale moze sie lepiej poznamy
<jebie_twiją_starą> ja cie znam
<kasia> z kad ?
<jebie_twiją_starą> popatrz na moj nick...
<kasia> tata ?
<Tom> Ej, wytłumacz mi o co biega. Dzwoni moja dziewczyna i składa mi życzenia. Powaliło ją czy jak? Urodziny mam w październiku a imieniny w grudniu. Dzisiaj jest jakieś święto?
<GK> 23.06 - Dzień Ojca
<Tom>...
<Tom>o ja pierdolę...
<kreks> ale jestem brzydki
<wojt> a ja jestem za gruby
<noisy> nobody is perfect...
<nobody> thx
[Ahh, casual equine racism...]
MD: 'Arise and shine beautiful. Hope you slept well? It's a lovely & blessed day but not as lovely and blessed as you i bet'
Czy ja zamawialam rycerza na bialym koniu? niech on sie wali! nie chce go!!!!! :@ ([name] btw!!)
(LOL to chyba rycerza na czarnym koniu; tak zeby nie bylo ze jeszcze jestem rasistowska o koniach tez XD )
[OMG THERE WAS A QUOTES BLOG BEFORE THE DUCK!!! Gotta say, not proud of the name, but awww!]
http://allthequeensbanter.blogspot.co.uk/2009/05/0102-05-09.html
Voice:
'looks like he's already picked up his mistletoe mate'
Subtitles:
'looks like he has already picked up his vessel to mate'
[Always good to stay positive.]
MD: JUZ NIE ZYJEMY!!!
wszyscy umrzemy a ci co nie umra beda w zajebistych kosmicznych skafandrach chodzic jak na filmach sci-fi
[Ambitions.]
AJZ: slucham gold digger bo to moj anthem ;P lol
[Ahh, of course.. Classic tell-tale signs]
"He put two x's on a message to you last night which makes it reasonably suspicious silly"
[All viable potential answer to the news that a boy likes me?]
AJZ: no ale co mu odpisalas: thank you very much? cool? kiss my ass?
[Bonifacy & Rzezucha being particularly hilarious words... Apparently...]
[Want.]
MD: ..chce tosta :(
AJZ: chcesz tosta?! lol bardzo sprecyzowane masz dzisiaj 'zachcianki' haha
[Aaand a great first world problem:]
MD: fantastycznie,
rodzice mi przyslali ksiazke o hieroglifach.
great, now i can fail WITH THEIR HELP!!
[As if I could ever judge!]
AJZ: ale ale zanim calkiem stracisz do mnie szacunek to opowiem ci jak to bylo
[Splywa po tobie ;)]
AJZ: i ich tu jest tylu i sie gapia i nie moge. prawie na siebie picie wylewam bo czuje ich wzrok na sobie :S
AJZ: o cos buduja
DHC: no to chyba jakis stadion, jak ten na stradford
AJZ: nie nie nie, stadion jest zwykle szerszy niz wyzszy, DUH!
DHC: oj! no bo ten jest do quiditcha!
[Nie ladnie!]
MD: LMAO! a mnie rozbawilo to -
taki chlopak na naszej klasie ma zdjecie jak gra w pilke nozna...i opis zdjecia jest "na pełnej kurwie w niego!!:]"
A jakas ciocia jego komentarz dodala: '
Michale jesteś fajny facet i nie przystoi taki język.'
[Mam na dzieje ze ty wiesz, bo ja nie.]
MD: O A I (LOL! coherent XD ale wiesz o co chodzi...)
[Language barrier?]
(narzekalam ze zle tam kobiety pracowaly. i mowie:)
MD: Odbieraja telefon i krzycza 'ELECTRIC BEACH?!'
(Oczy SD O.O takie.) MD: ???
.....
MD: W sensie ze Elektryczna Plaza...o co chodzi? :S
SD: ...AAAA! Bo ja myslalem ze Elektryczna SUKA.
[Just my gay cat.]
MD: zalozylam harness na bossmana..LOL wyglada na geja xd
[I knew it!]
MD: oj. the evidence is stacking up! bossman biega ze spinka do wlosow
[Thanks man...]
AJZ: see... u turn everyone around you gay!
[Poezja.]
MD: bossman wlasnie doznal swojej pierwszej erekcji!!!
MD:Plakalam do babci na jego temat.
Nazwala go szmata! LMFAO!
AJZ: HAHAHAHA!!! uwielbiam twoja babcie... moja babcia to by cos polamentowala o kosciele i tyle.
[QL!]
MD;ktos
na pof mi napisal wiadomosc o tresci: 'Helloski' Zabic skurwysyna lol
AJZ: lololol dżizas staraaa, on tylko probuje byc ql
[Just. Wow.]
MD:wabi sie (bitter? me? never :P) albatrosy maja bardzo ekskluzywne rogowki.
[Bo ktos mi napisal ze jestem "pheasant".]
MD: my god. how can you fuck up my favourite insult. twat.
[Jokes'n'tingz]
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
---------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
---------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
“I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'> Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
'Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.
'Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'s
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!'
[Beautifully concluded. No idea who this was about.]
AJZ: anyway. <hugs> i agree she IS a cocksucking whore!
[Major cringe!!!]
There's a group called
'my turban brings all the girls to the yard, an theyre like mohammed ur hard'
[Seems plausible.]
AJZ: and there's something form poland for you. im suspecting your grandma. something makes a sandy noise inside the envelope when you pick it up so might be a chain or a crushed cookie LMAO or... sand.
[No context. Shame.]
MD: I said 'what the fuck, who blended SRx?!' xD
[Internet dating gold:]
'I'm such a good lover because
I practice a lot on my own'
[Sound rebound advice.]
MD: lol rebound has to be with random guys!!!
AJZ: cover his head with something and act surprised?
:D:D:D
[Ahh, who needs the tune when you have become psychically in-tune lemmings...]
MD: donedoneDONEEEE!
AJZ: is it meant to sound like <the doom is upon us> sound LOL?
MD: YES IT WAS!!! ILOVEYOUMARRYME? ;D
[Co? "Jasiek skunks"?]
MD: Byli: byk, gruby i lysy, ludwik, jasiek skunks, zwariowany dzordz. I tyle. Nawet nie ma ptasicy. I caly czas mnie zostawiaja ze skunksem.
