Why are you taking pictures of cats?

Cracked.com:
What? Do I have something on my face? Is it terror? I had terror for lunch. Its probably terror.

Big Bang Theory:
I ate a butterfly. It was so small and beautiful. But I was so hungry.

Hello Leonard, do you like my bongos?
Bet you didn't know, that I had bongos.
Three in the morning is a good time for bongos.
Leonard sleeps while I play bongos.
Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.
Penny meant "If he WERE a purple leprechaun"
Penny forgot to use the subjunctive.

- Where are you going?
- Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Being Human:

- That don't make no sense.
- Neither do the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody, but I didn't make them up either.

How I met your mother:
- There's no manager there, you're pointing at a fern!

- Do you have time to sit with me?
- I don't know. You're wearing my watch.

_______________


MD: Name one One Direction song?
MRT: I'm currently working through my Greek class...
...¬_¬


DHC: Facial hair hurts.
MD: I wouldn't know.
DHC: No! You would know!

DHC: It feels weird! There's a stranger in my bed.

DHC: I think I only got into Medicine because I'm Polish.

JJS: It's just... You did four years of uni. Why are you taking pictures of cats?

DHC: She can wipe her ass with her hair!

MD: Znowu chce mi sie siku.
DHC: Bo masz macice.

DHC: No, but... this one HAS TO be gay! Bo on ma torbe z zagla.
MD: Skad?
DHC: ...z zagla. Jak masz statek - to masz zagiel. Wycinasz. I masz torbe z zagla.

Re: No carbs week:
DHC: I started yesterday. And I'm SO hungry!!!

MD: Eating is cheating?
DHC: No. Sleeping with other people is cheating.

MD: I co teraz bedziesz robil? Bedziesz szukal 'the one'?
DHC: Well... I was just planning to go to sleep.

...But maybe tomorrow.

Bonekickers, #1

- Either get in the trench or stand away. Don't teeter on the edge. It erodes the section edge.

- Faith is a virtue.
- Faith is the gunpowder of humanity.

- "Vivian". Witch of Arthurian legend.

- Who were they?
- Use your archaeological imagination.

- Identify yourself, creepy caller.

- Remove your stringy buttocks from my dig.
- Have your team uncovered the True Cross and is the rest of it still down there?
- Yes. And last week we tripped over the Holy Grail, and next week we're going after the Atlantis!

- I'm not being funny or anything, but some men with medieval swords just broke into your flat.

- There has to be a key.
- Why do people always say that? No, there doesn't.

- Now please please please, for the love of Jehova, can we go to the pub?

- Are you going to keep talking like a fortune cookie, or are you going to get out there and start digging?

I am, on the whole, displeased

The Prince and Me III:
- Oh I deeply, deeply dislike them! I am, on the whole, displeased!


Being Human:

- My lunch faught back i'd rather not talk about it. But I mean, who takes a crowbar with them when they walk the dog, i mean who does? that's just weird!

Annie: First I want to know why you're helping us. Why you're helping her.
- I'm all heart.
Annie: No you're not!

Tom: Oh yeah, someone's left something on one of the tables
Hal: God, not more sick?
[Nuts: 100 sexiest topless babes]
Tom: Do you want it then?
Hal: Why would I want it? You have it.
T: I don't want it, it's demeaning to women.

[Just awwwwwwwww Tommy!!! ♥♥♥]

T: What must their mothers think?
H: What?
T: Those ladies on the cover, showing everything to everyone. No one'll want to court them.
H: Sorry, "court them"?
T: You know what I mean.
H: Only because I was around during the Coronation.

‎T: I like your tights, you look like a bee and I like bees.

- It's fun, isn't it?
Hal: Yes. Sometimes it leaves me positively giddy.

T: Yeah but babbling is better than leaping.


____

MD: I on tak smierdzi.
DHC: Czym?
MD: ...kupa?
DHC: A, to nie.


DHC: Nie dostalem tego co chcialem.
MD: Ooo dostales rozge? :D
DHC: NIE! Chcialem rozge, i nie dostalem!


Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Winston Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

The morning after the night before

[The details of all of these are somewhat hazy, so no context can be given. Unfortunately (especially in the light of the first one).]

- Well, if you like anal, wait until December.

- You're quite a nice, geeky guy...
- Wait. NO I'M NOT!

- M, what I mean is that... no girl can be as ugly as I can be drunk.

- ...and you can never return matter.
- That's physics not maths!

- If you throw up, please don't do it in the laundry machine.

- In the UK, the only person who didn't fuck all their friends was Margaret Thatcher.

- You're having pancakes for breakfast.
- I have kittens for breakfast.

- Admit your failure!

Sex is the best way to ruin a friendship

Big Bang Theory:
- Now? You realise I'm your boss and I am holding my penis.

Big Bang Theory:
-It's the 21st century, you can't have a duel

SD: Podejrzana niebieska torba. Prawdopodobnie wypelniona marchewkami.

GLSB: I want to burn this country to the ground!
TJEW: What, because women have periods?

TJEW: Ha! I made you touch your nipple. And do a camp laugh. All through the power of suggestion. Derren Brown, me.

GLSB: Sex is the best way to ruin a friendship.

MD: Do you mind if I use you as a leaning post?
SJW: No, go ahead.
MD (to TJEW): SEE! THIS IS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TO HAV-
SJW: ...I MIGHT fall over.


EC: That great song! I LOVE IT!

Memory

Some interesting insights I picked up on on a course I took.

"Why don't you watch television? How do you know what's important?"

(Re: emigration)
"Except, y'know, Australia... don't get me wrong, nobody volunteered!"

"All that's solid melts into air." (Marx?)

"I stole my great-aunt's raincoat. What? She was bedridden - she wasn't going to use it!"

"So do you wear any other of her clothes?"

"Ooh, I'd quite like a Northern Odysseus."

"Oh! SWEAR WORDS!"

(Re: facebook)
"It's like...whether you should take heroin or not?"

"I am because I have facebook."

"She sent me a link to show me what she thought I thought she thought... :S"

"Foraging fruit in an urban setting."

Convo re: essays:
- Oh, you're doing it for me and not for him!
- No. I'm doing it for me.

The high road with benefits

Big Bang Theory:
- I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year.
- Sarcasm?
-...No. You should go.

MRT:
Why am I miming you deep-throating a banana?

MRT:
I hate you! I mean I'll still sleep with you but that's only out of spite.

AZ:
It's like they're playing pool and they're not even looking what colour balls they're playing.

MRT:
It's the high road with benefits.

TNM:
I was joking too :) ...and then it was true :(

MD: 31-go.
ND: Ktorego miesiaca?
MD: No tego.
ND: Ten miesiac nie ma 31 dni!
MD: No to 30-go.
ND: 30 tez nie ma.

AZ: To nie jest politycznie poprawnie narzekac na bezdomnych.

They're eating my focus group.

Being Human:
(tutting) What do you think you're doing?
- What does it look like?
- Well it looks like you're pointing a firearm at us.

Being Human:
- Those guys are dedicated, they're disciplined...
- ...They're eating my focus group

Being Human:
- Yeah. What about you? Giving it all Peter Mendelssohn.
- OK, Fergus, either you mean Peter Mandelson, or you're comparing me to a German composer.

[Re: Time travel video... errr...]
SD: To ja widzialem w internecie jak facet sam siebie pocalowal w dupe.

MDB: Don't make me out to sound like some kinda dummy snatcher!

MDB: Jesus...What a low level crime...

MDB: No, you don't have a rape personality.

MDB: That's...wow...passionate...

MDB: Rape. Not funny. Next!

MDB: I painted a house with you and whats-her-name, does that mean we had a threesome?

MDB: We're audio pen pals.

MDB: So once I obtain the golden fleece we'll be friends?

MDB: I was wearing like regular, civilian clothing.

GLSB: My mother loves me and that's all I need.

AZ: Ale to na pewno nie ja, bo ja sie myje!

DHC: Ale nie jest dobrze byc drwalem na wyspie. Bo kiedys te drzewa sie skoncza. To nie jest przyszlosciowy zawod...

DHC: Aha! Matt of Matt & Rixon?

(Re: Duszowy kolega AZ)
DHC: O.O Cos jest z nim nie tak!

(Re: leaving door open)
DHC: KURWA! W stajni mieszkasz?!

MD: Bedziesz sie kapal?
SD: Nie, ja mam recznik!
¬_¬

(Re: HMS Belfast)
SD: Technologia super-duper, lecimy na ksiezyc... A tu, kurna kladka sie zawalila - 20 ludzi zginelo ¬_¬

SD: Na przyklad grupy akordeonistow z Bialorusi. Zespol 200 mandolinistow z Moldawii.

SD: Jak bylem przed National Gallery dzisiaj byly trzy osoby ktore wyroznialy sie z tlumu. Pierwsza to byla Krolowa Matka (z tego co pamietam umarla w 2002 roku), Charlie Chaplin i Szkot ktory gral na dudach.

SD: To dudy chyba. Czy tam kobza...

SD: Jak to nie ma 'q'? Trzy razy 'q' w jednym slowie: KUKURYKU!

AZ: Is she? She doesn't look anorexic though.
(A sequel to "he doesn't look like he can afford a suit" xD)

Bookworm

Gardner, H.:
"...not only is it false to think that a human being can do anything, but where everything is possible, there are no guidelines about what ought to be attempted and what not."

Larsen:
"Fire is one of the most dangerous enemies of wood preservation." [REEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY?]

Nora:
"Memory has been promoted to the center of history: such is the spectacular bereavement of literature."

Young:
"After all, while the victors of history have long erected monuments to remember their triumphs, and the victims have built memorials to recall their martyrdom, only rarely does a nation call on itself to remember the victims of crimes it has perpetrated."

Young:
"Where is the tradition for mea(morial) culpa"

Carruthers:
"Not in the manner of a parrot (which, reciting mindlessly, never knows "where it is")"