The morning after the night before

[The details of all of these are somewhat hazy, so no context can be given. Unfortunately (especially in the light of the first one).]

- Well, if you like anal, wait until December.

- You're quite a nice, geeky guy...
- Wait. NO I'M NOT!

- M, what I mean is that... no girl can be as ugly as I can be drunk.

- ...and you can never return matter.
- That's physics not maths!

- If you throw up, please don't do it in the laundry machine.

- In the UK, the only person who didn't fuck all their friends was Margaret Thatcher.

- You're having pancakes for breakfast.
- I have kittens for breakfast.

- Admit your failure!