Gypsy/Jazz/Dubstep Fusion

MD: It grazed the top of my head.
GAT: That was one leaf!!

GAT: You've met people. Sometimes they get jobs.

"A child lies in bed..."
TJEW: I'm gonna enjoy this whatever happens next.

RE: "The Private Worlds of Dying Children"
TJEW: Is this a play?

HY: I'm gonna draw El Toro!

SD: Kazdy atakuje na swoje mozliwosci.

SD: Niechcacy szedlem w zbroi...

GAT: What's the hypothesis when you're cooking?

GAT: Can you please just not buy anything from that shop...

(I'm sure this was funny due to tone or context, but I don't remember :( )
JTA: <face palm>
Milz is sitting comfortably!

Re: Taste
MD: Japanese? Chinese?
TNM: Asian...

JTA: There's "u" and then there's "w".

JTA: You look like a guy I know. His name's Dillon.
No, no... what I'm saying is - he looks SO girly!

GAT: Well done. You've invented the aeroplane.
MD: No. It's going to be on a string!
GAT: You've invented the aeroplane on a string...

(Re: JGHYB lying to him about food/milkshakes)
GLSB: "I was wearing shoes with Milz"


"I'm not firing you, I'm just not giving you any shifts for a year."


Re: Cradling a disabled person onto chair on the bus.
GLSB: I'm looking after your dignity!


GLSB: Sometimes, you talk about the essays you do and I think I don't know what archaeology is... 

GLSB: I am... My dad... 


GLSB: My day today... It's 3 o'clock and I'm drinking cider and listening to A-ha. 


Re: Portuguese + wearing Brazil t-shirt
GLSB: It's...just a t-shirt from Primark... 


XRL: I almost Gagnesed... 


XRL: You have a red pig. I have a yellow pig. You wanna swap pigs?

XRL: But hey!....
....
....
....That's all I've got...


XRL: Uberly safe rabbit!

GLSB: <in Spanish:> I like your tits!
EGR: You haven't seen them without a t-shirt. (...) I'll send you pictures.

Re: EGR without t-shirt
XRL: A grapefruit without hairs.

XRL: I've just realised you are here. You are Edgar.

XRL: I like to know where my money is going, but I don't care about African children.

XRL: It's all about entrepreneurial Africans...

Re: cigar
MLP: That's awfully soggy and cold!

MLP: Can I try the big one again?

Re: Homeless person
MLP: That felt bad when we have cigars...

TJEW: I haven't just ordered a sample from a cesspit... Add some water and yeast... See how it smells...

TJEW: I wonder what would happen if you put yeast in poo...

Re: wedding
TJEW: I'm sure there's something awful I can do with the present...
GAT: Guidebook to immigration law.
TJEW: Fake passport.

TJEW: Us +1s. That's to account for the women or something.

MD: Would you not want to see him in a Minnie Mouse costume?
DML: No.
TJEW: ...With a stripper on a lead. With a dildo 'round my <SLAP>


DML: Brap-babies


Re: TJEW travelling 
TJEW: What? By myself?
DML: Ask people!
TJEW: No, I hate people.


DML: I'm female and you're male...
TJEW: How very biological of you...


TJEW: Not even The Underworld sees that particular brand of twat. 


TJEW: Just stick it wherever. 
My life philosophy...
...
DML: Yes.

TJEW: Gypsy/Jazz/Dubstep Fusion

GAT: I'd imagine a deep fried Creme Egg would be the most dangerous thing on the planet!

Re: DML's dancing
HY: It looks like some kinda communist propaganda dance.

GAT: I mean... It was me. I buzz occasionally.

Because El Toro

Re: Not complaining about free things

AZ: So like, when children in Africa get, instead of food, say like ping pong balls, they're not allowed to complain?

They phone up the charity and they're like: "That's not polite. You're so rude."


SD:
Zestresowalem sie ucieczka jajka przez dziurke w bekonie.

MD: What's in your picture?
Richard: Err.. I'M there.

AZ: For some reason 'p' is very popular with my phone. or prrrrrrrrrt or ##111

Re: DML seeing double
ANH: Tom you should have got out your wallet.
TJEW: Oh yeah: "Now I have £20..."

MD: Tom, would you know how to change a car wheel?
DML: Jesus Christ!

Re: AT talking about some utter filth on Gregbook
ANH: I like how you started that with "It was just..."!

ANH: I love him already!
MD: He's ginger.
ANH: Oh...

DML: Why are we together?
TJEW: Because El Toro.

DML: Pigs have 30 minute orgasms.
ANH: Is that when you pull their tails like <squeal>? :D

Re: ANH's haircut.
DML: It looks fine. You look more Ukrainian. So don't be surprised if people start saying racist things to you.

My mum's a bee keeper.

COV:

I hope you didn't think: "Ah, Charlie told me that - I'm gonna take it as actual fact!"

[MD: She'll put them in a box?]
My mum's a bee keeper.

My mum is covering a large fibreglass cow in smashed up pottery  ...and it's got a picture of the Queen's head n it... and it's got udders...

I really have nothing sarcastic to say - I like the cow!

If you need advice on like...a tree or an acorn or something...

[RE: Sloth attack]
It's coming!
Oh my god, we're gonna have to STROLL AWAY!!!

How long ago did you go to the zoo?
[MD: On Friday.]
Oh my god! It might be half-way to your house by now!!!

Even if it got within six inches of you - you could still get away!

Kocham Cie! Ale o Auschwitz pamietam.

Lewis Carroll: “Well, now that we HAVE seen each other,” said the unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you.”

N (JJ): Do you wanna meet my daughters? I have many daughters. I'll show you the biggest one.

GAT: He looked like a puppy chasing after you.
MD: He ALWAYS looks like a puppy.
GAT: Most of the time you see him - he's with you!

GAT: Why is my foot in a drawer?

GAT: You have loud paper.

COV: Ok, SWEETIE, when is your birthday?

COV: We were trying to give her a pep talk about how to recycle well!

COV: Should we have another round? More cheese and biscuits...?

[Re: 'may' vs 'might']
DHC: Pisze sie przez trzy dni, a potem sie pisze "June".

DHC: W Auschwitz tez byly bloki...

DHC: Kocham Cie! Ale o Auschwitz pamietam.

DHC: Dlaczego w Polsce nie ma takiego czasu ze teraz, tylko trzeba powiedziec 'teraz'.

DHC:
Spie i sypiam...
Pale i...palam?

[At the same time]
DHC: Ona jest ladna!
MD: Ona nie jest ladna!

GMK: Do I look blue to you?

DHC: The bar is empty.
MD: Why?
DHC: Because half the people are under-age here.

DHC: Diet coke.
MD: With?
DHC: With ice.

[Re: not drinking]
MD: I thought you said we were gonna have fun!
DHC: We are gonna have fun. I'm gonna get you drunk.

GREEN MILE MAN!

[Re: violinist]
DHC: Ona tylko struga patyk.

DHC: Ona ma fajny patyk!

MD: Turns out someone got raped in the morning!
DHC: THAT'S SO COOL!
MD: I KNOW RIGHT?!
[Er....]

DHC: Spiewaja tak jak Krawczyk, czy lepiej?

DHC: Juz wolalem Wielki Pieprzyk.

Wole Wielki Pieprzyk niz Zgubilam Owce...

[Everyone taking photos]
DHC: ...To fotograf...

This is unsustainable.

(The green-eyed monster? xD)
LDC:
Oh you PURPOSEFULLY went to The Volunteer?!

(Re: French Siri)
LDC: It sounds like a stroke victim...

(Logic???)
LDC: Do you know Sporcle?
MD: Yes. We played it last time you were here.
LDC: Yeah I know. That's why I asked you. But then I forgot.

LDC: People will literally buy anything, including nothing.

(Wtf?)
MD: The thing about lollipops... <LDC bursts out laughing>

LDC: That was a genuine compliment, not a two-faced compliment.

(Do YOU?!)
MD: I don't think there's a lesbian story. Unless you know something I don't...?
LDC: I don't, do you?
MD: No.

LDC: You'd be like "Why are you taking my pencil?". Because it was awkward. This is the "awkward pencil".

LDC: A mathematician without a piece of paper is basically a shell :(

- Oh! And a pen too!

LDC: NEW IMPROVED LOUIE WITH A PINEAPPLE!

(Re: Conversation loss.)

LDC: THIS IS UNSUSTAINABLE! 

[Caption:]

MD: One more time. You looked Chinese! ... Look!

LDC: That's my happy face!!!

(Re: Finding google doodle)

LDC: So was it just Google? <squeaky voice> OF COURSE it's just Google!!!

LDC: Your lampshade looks like an upside-down lampshade.

(Deep...)

MD: How do you feel about Spanish music?

LDC: ...I don't feel. 

[Caption: "This is humiliating"]

[Caption: "I think I look quite fetching."]

(Re: Box)

LDC: You could put paper clips in it. 

MD: I don't have any paper clips.

LDC: Well, get some paper clips! Jesus, woman!!!

(Reflection time...)

MD: ...But, pineapples are really fat.

LDC: HOW DARE YOU?!

Remind them to stfu.

(Re: climbing shoes.)
Maxi: Do you like my shoes?
MD: :/
Maxi: WHAT?! BOYS LIKE SHOES TOO!!!


(Re "chavy")
MD: He wasn't very nice...
Maxi: Probably because his buttplug was the wrong size!

(Between a rock and a...)
MD: Don't go. <hugs>
Maxi: I have to. They said they'd cut my left testicle off if I don't go.
MD: Alright. Then I'll cut off the right one if you do.
Maxi: ...Tricky stuff! <weighs up>
xD I love this guy!!

(Caption of a photo of a stuffed seagull in a welly!)
Nicki: "I had to put the seagull in a welly cos the vase has flowers in it."

AZ: Me and DHC were wondering if this is true or...if she's off her meds or something?


(Re: Coronet cinema & peasants)
Announcement: We would like to remind you that smoking is not permitted...
AZ: Remind them to shut the fuck up.

Hypnotist [Too random, even for me.]

Felicity:
x - Where you going?
N - Err... Hypnotist.
x - Oh ...You know, you said that like it was a normal answer.
N - Yeah, I know, I'll explain it to you on Tuesday.

MD: I was chirpy before you called me. I was drawing stick-men with buckets on their heads.
MDB: ON YOUR OWN?!
MD: No. I was in a group stick man drawing session.

[Context lost.]
Maxi: We came in 1952 and gave them a proper education.

Maxi: I've passed out. But I've never passed out IN PISS!

[Context lost. But it sounds intense.]
EC: I like Milz because Stonehenge was built by dinosaurs

MDB: I just need some Cold War love.


Ordering drinks at the pub. Ordered one coke, and one JD and coke.
Barman: I put the JD and coke in two cups.
DL: What?
Barman: I put the JD and coke in two cups.
DL: WHAT THE HELL?!
Barman: I said: I put the -
MD: It's OK. I got it! (Y)
DL: What???
MD: He put the JD and coke in two cups.
DL: OMG WHAT WHY?!
[Sheer panic attack. About nothing. xD]

[Having been criticised for sending one word texts]
SD: Ale, nie jestem Wieslawa Szymborska!

[One for the fortune cookie business]
EC: If a girl has no nails, she cannot scratch.

EC: It's a bit of a strange society where you get fit girls drunk and high and get them to predict the future.

EC: The quiet man cannot hear his own voice.

[One of Maxi's greatest moments in my opinion! Re: eggs.]
MD: Is it called sunny side down?
Maxi: It's called GO TO FUCKING LABOUR CAMP!!!


Original Quote: [22/04/2011]
AZ: Was it Aristotle who said something like 'You never walk into the same river twice'?
MD: ¬_¬ No, it was Pocahontas.

Now it turns out that, as a matter of fact, we both judged each other, for very different reasons.
AZ laughed at the fact that I thought it was in Pocahontas.
And I laughed because I thought she got Aristotle confused with Pocahontas.
In the end, it was Herakleitos of Ephesus. So there.


[NO idea what this is about, but I'm guessing it was DHC.]
[The first one is about teeth pulling I believe.]
jak dojdzie do 3 z 10 to ci cos daja na to. how do you quantify pain?

o heroinie napisalem tak jakby byla morphina

skonczylas juz. skonczylas. nie musisz juz z nikim spac.

[About psycho-girl in A&E]

AZ: Is this purple? Doesn't taste like purple!

AZ: Did I tell you I have snails in my shower sometimes?

Tim: Get your tank off my lawn!

Tim: My students are more important than your shopping list!

Tim: I think we've joined a funeral quartet, I really do.

[^ The field trip was pretty epic.]

Maxi: I tried. I can't.
EC: Use your fork.
Maxi: There's a reason you work at *****.

Child at work: She can't be a princess because she's not Queen Elizabeth the II's daughter!

ON RYANAIR?!

HIMYM:
- So, what did you order?
- Oh, just black coffee.
- Hmm, I like it that way too.
- Yeah, it just tastes better to me.
- I find that if the coffee beans are good enough you really don't need- WHY ARE YOU IN A WEDDING DRESS?!


SBF: i defo prefer drinking to jogging lol

Amazon:
This is a very sweet little clock but has no numerals or dots. This makes it fairly useless for telling the time, especially in the night.

Max: I know what it's like. You come home drunk...
MD: I'm not drunk.
Max: Why not?
MD: I was at a poetry reading.
Max: Oh. <puts arm on my shoulder> I'm so sorry.

[I stumble down the stairs, floods of tears pouring from my eyes, I fall into the opening door. First words to come out of his mouth:]
Max: Did he not like the shoes?

SD: Wszyscy moga paradowac - geje, lezbijki, zwierzeta, obroncy krzyza, NIE obroncy krzyza...

SD: Wspolna parade - wszyscy przeciwko wszytkiemu.

[Context inappropriate? xD]
AZ: ON RYANAIR?!?!?!

AZ: Is that Lenin?
MD: Ohhh! It's Prince Philip!

SD: Mnie by sie nawet znaczka nie chcialo liznac za 30p.

Why are you taking pictures of cats?

Cracked.com:
What? Do I have something on my face? Is it terror? I had terror for lunch. Its probably terror.

Big Bang Theory:
I ate a butterfly. It was so small and beautiful. But I was so hungry.

Hello Leonard, do you like my bongos?
Bet you didn't know, that I had bongos.
Three in the morning is a good time for bongos.
Leonard sleeps while I play bongos.
Leonard no sleep while I play bongos.
Penny meant "If he WERE a purple leprechaun"
Penny forgot to use the subjunctive.

- Where are you going?
- Wherever the music takes me, kitten.

Being Human:

- That don't make no sense.
- Neither do the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody, but I didn't make them up either.

How I met your mother:
- There's no manager there, you're pointing at a fern!

- Do you have time to sit with me?
- I don't know. You're wearing my watch.

_______________


MD: Name one One Direction song?
MRT: I'm currently working through my Greek class...
...¬_¬


DHC: Facial hair hurts.
MD: I wouldn't know.
DHC: No! You would know!

DHC: It feels weird! There's a stranger in my bed.

DHC: I think I only got into Medicine because I'm Polish.

JJS: It's just... You did four years of uni. Why are you taking pictures of cats?

DHC: She can wipe her ass with her hair!

MD: Znowu chce mi sie siku.
DHC: Bo masz macice.

DHC: No, but... this one HAS TO be gay! Bo on ma torbe z zagla.
MD: Skad?
DHC: ...z zagla. Jak masz statek - to masz zagiel. Wycinasz. I masz torbe z zagla.

Re: No carbs week:
DHC: I started yesterday. And I'm SO hungry!!!

MD: Eating is cheating?
DHC: No. Sleeping with other people is cheating.

MD: I co teraz bedziesz robil? Bedziesz szukal 'the one'?
DHC: Well... I was just planning to go to sleep.

...But maybe tomorrow.

Bonekickers, #1

- Either get in the trench or stand away. Don't teeter on the edge. It erodes the section edge.

- Faith is a virtue.
- Faith is the gunpowder of humanity.

- "Vivian". Witch of Arthurian legend.

- Who were they?
- Use your archaeological imagination.

- Identify yourself, creepy caller.

- Remove your stringy buttocks from my dig.
- Have your team uncovered the True Cross and is the rest of it still down there?
- Yes. And last week we tripped over the Holy Grail, and next week we're going after the Atlantis!

- I'm not being funny or anything, but some men with medieval swords just broke into your flat.

- There has to be a key.
- Why do people always say that? No, there doesn't.

- Now please please please, for the love of Jehova, can we go to the pub?

- Are you going to keep talking like a fortune cookie, or are you going to get out there and start digging?

I am, on the whole, displeased

The Prince and Me III:
- Oh I deeply, deeply dislike them! I am, on the whole, displeased!


Being Human:

- My lunch faught back i'd rather not talk about it. But I mean, who takes a crowbar with them when they walk the dog, i mean who does? that's just weird!

Annie: First I want to know why you're helping us. Why you're helping her.
- I'm all heart.
Annie: No you're not!

Tom: Oh yeah, someone's left something on one of the tables
Hal: God, not more sick?
[Nuts: 100 sexiest topless babes]
Tom: Do you want it then?
Hal: Why would I want it? You have it.
T: I don't want it, it's demeaning to women.

[Just awwwwwwwww Tommy!!! ♥♥♥]

T: What must their mothers think?
H: What?
T: Those ladies on the cover, showing everything to everyone. No one'll want to court them.
H: Sorry, "court them"?
T: You know what I mean.
H: Only because I was around during the Coronation.

‎T: I like your tights, you look like a bee and I like bees.

- It's fun, isn't it?
Hal: Yes. Sometimes it leaves me positively giddy.

T: Yeah but babbling is better than leaping.


____

MD: I on tak smierdzi.
DHC: Czym?
MD: ...kupa?
DHC: A, to nie.


DHC: Nie dostalem tego co chcialem.
MD: Ooo dostales rozge? :D
DHC: NIE! Chcialem rozge, i nie dostalem!


Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Winston Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

The morning after the night before

[The details of all of these are somewhat hazy, so no context can be given. Unfortunately (especially in the light of the first one).]

- Well, if you like anal, wait until December.

- You're quite a nice, geeky guy...
- Wait. NO I'M NOT!

- M, what I mean is that... no girl can be as ugly as I can be drunk.

- ...and you can never return matter.
- That's physics not maths!

- If you throw up, please don't do it in the laundry machine.

- In the UK, the only person who didn't fuck all their friends was Margaret Thatcher.

- You're having pancakes for breakfast.
- I have kittens for breakfast.

- Admit your failure!

Sex is the best way to ruin a friendship

Big Bang Theory:
- Now? You realise I'm your boss and I am holding my penis.

Big Bang Theory:
-It's the 21st century, you can't have a duel

SD: Podejrzana niebieska torba. Prawdopodobnie wypelniona marchewkami.

GLSB: I want to burn this country to the ground!
TJEW: What, because women have periods?

TJEW: Ha! I made you touch your nipple. And do a camp laugh. All through the power of suggestion. Derren Brown, me.

GLSB: Sex is the best way to ruin a friendship.

MD: Do you mind if I use you as a leaning post?
SJW: No, go ahead.
MD (to TJEW): SEE! THIS IS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TO HAV-
SJW: ...I MIGHT fall over.


EC: That great song! I LOVE IT!

Memory

Some interesting insights I picked up on on a course I took.

"Why don't you watch television? How do you know what's important?"

(Re: emigration)
"Except, y'know, Australia... don't get me wrong, nobody volunteered!"

"All that's solid melts into air." (Marx?)

"I stole my great-aunt's raincoat. What? She was bedridden - she wasn't going to use it!"

"So do you wear any other of her clothes?"

"Ooh, I'd quite like a Northern Odysseus."

"Oh! SWEAR WORDS!"

(Re: facebook)
"It's like...whether you should take heroin or not?"

"I am because I have facebook."

"She sent me a link to show me what she thought I thought she thought... :S"

"Foraging fruit in an urban setting."

Convo re: essays:
- Oh, you're doing it for me and not for him!
- No. I'm doing it for me.

The high road with benefits

Big Bang Theory:
- I hear Afghanistan is nice this time of year.
- Sarcasm?
-...No. You should go.

MRT:
Why am I miming you deep-throating a banana?

MRT:
I hate you! I mean I'll still sleep with you but that's only out of spite.

AZ:
It's like they're playing pool and they're not even looking what colour balls they're playing.

MRT:
It's the high road with benefits.

TNM:
I was joking too :) ...and then it was true :(

MD: 31-go.
ND: Ktorego miesiaca?
MD: No tego.
ND: Ten miesiac nie ma 31 dni!
MD: No to 30-go.
ND: 30 tez nie ma.

AZ: To nie jest politycznie poprawnie narzekac na bezdomnych.

They're eating my focus group.

Being Human:
(tutting) What do you think you're doing?
- What does it look like?
- Well it looks like you're pointing a firearm at us.

Being Human:
- Those guys are dedicated, they're disciplined...
- ...They're eating my focus group

Being Human:
- Yeah. What about you? Giving it all Peter Mendelssohn.
- OK, Fergus, either you mean Peter Mandelson, or you're comparing me to a German composer.

[Re: Time travel video... errr...]
SD: To ja widzialem w internecie jak facet sam siebie pocalowal w dupe.

MDB: Don't make me out to sound like some kinda dummy snatcher!

MDB: Jesus...What a low level crime...

MDB: No, you don't have a rape personality.

MDB: That's...wow...passionate...

MDB: Rape. Not funny. Next!

MDB: I painted a house with you and whats-her-name, does that mean we had a threesome?

MDB: We're audio pen pals.

MDB: So once I obtain the golden fleece we'll be friends?

MDB: I was wearing like regular, civilian clothing.

GLSB: My mother loves me and that's all I need.

AZ: Ale to na pewno nie ja, bo ja sie myje!

DHC: Ale nie jest dobrze byc drwalem na wyspie. Bo kiedys te drzewa sie skoncza. To nie jest przyszlosciowy zawod...

DHC: Aha! Matt of Matt & Rixon?

(Re: Duszowy kolega AZ)
DHC: O.O Cos jest z nim nie tak!

(Re: leaving door open)
DHC: KURWA! W stajni mieszkasz?!

MD: Bedziesz sie kapal?
SD: Nie, ja mam recznik!
¬_¬

(Re: HMS Belfast)
SD: Technologia super-duper, lecimy na ksiezyc... A tu, kurna kladka sie zawalila - 20 ludzi zginelo ¬_¬

SD: Na przyklad grupy akordeonistow z Bialorusi. Zespol 200 mandolinistow z Moldawii.

SD: Jak bylem przed National Gallery dzisiaj byly trzy osoby ktore wyroznialy sie z tlumu. Pierwsza to byla Krolowa Matka (z tego co pamietam umarla w 2002 roku), Charlie Chaplin i Szkot ktory gral na dudach.

SD: To dudy chyba. Czy tam kobza...

SD: Jak to nie ma 'q'? Trzy razy 'q' w jednym slowie: KUKURYKU!

AZ: Is she? She doesn't look anorexic though.
(A sequel to "he doesn't look like he can afford a suit" xD)

Bookworm

Gardner, H.:
"...not only is it false to think that a human being can do anything, but where everything is possible, there are no guidelines about what ought to be attempted and what not."

Larsen:
"Fire is one of the most dangerous enemies of wood preservation." [REEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY?]

Nora:
"Memory has been promoted to the center of history: such is the spectacular bereavement of literature."

Young:
"After all, while the victors of history have long erected monuments to remember their triumphs, and the victims have built memorials to recall their martyrdom, only rarely does a nation call on itself to remember the victims of crimes it has perpetrated."

Young:
"Where is the tradition for mea(morial) culpa"

Carruthers:
"Not in the manner of a parrot (which, reciting mindlessly, never knows "where it is")"

The Blues And The Birds

JTA: It's to do with entropy.
MRT: Or you're just sucking wrong.

JTA: You look deep in thought.
MD: I am.
JTA: Would you like a ladder?
MD: Yes please.
JTA: ...fuck!

MRT: There's a time and a place for modesty, and this isn't it...
...To be fair, I don't actually know when that time and place IS...

EC: Now I'm just throwing bread on myself!

Malicious, et al.

Gossip Girl:
"Be careful. There's a fine line between surveillance and stalking."
"Yeah, getting caught. Which I don't intend to do."


Ibi: SD is LA minus the la la!

TSD: "Ahhh A! On jest taki wysoki"
¬_¬ LOL!!!


MDB: Yeah, sounds good. There's not WAY that could lead to sex!

MDB: Down goes my mighty oak.

MDB: Your voice is like audio chocolate.


MD: Do you WANT to be raped in prison, BRO?!
MDB: I wouldn't mind. In an ironic kinda way, y'know...


MDB: OH SHIT! Is your ex a pirate?!


MDB: Jesus Christ! There goes M! Match dot com - GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!


MDB: I'm literally turning into an owl, that's how much of a hoot I'm having.

This one time, in Camden

Re: S&M orgy
GLSB: I'd be sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth, crying.

TJEW: Someone was buying crack when I was in there.
(...)
GLSB: By 'crack' do you mean 'bum'?

TJEW: And then he spilled beer on my trunk.
(Then some protest about meaning furniture.)

AZ: My dad is my cousin's grandfather.

TJEW: If you two want to fuck, there's a graveyard right over there!
GLSB: NO THERE'S NOT!!!

AZ: He cut my hair. He also did my... He also cut my mother's hair!

TJEW: The chat over there was either Polish or incontinent.

Welcome to 2012!

MD: You're a big leaver!
DWS: Yes I am. Pull me!

DWS: He'll grow up and be successful. Unless he's an idiot, and then he'll die alone.

STR: Sex personal trainer? He doesn't wear a wig and we make out!

Re: Getting MRT a girlfriend.
MWT: I was gonna say...I have some nieces who might...
MRT: I have my own nieces!

Re: STR cheating; Simultaneously:
MD: YOU DAWG! MRT: YOU BASTARD!

XRL: I think she's about to unleash her loaf here!

AZ: Czy to ta z ktorej wszyscy biora siku?

MDB: What did you just say? "Throw up in her vagina"?!

STR: They'll be MY kids. With a fat skank...
MRT: Yeah...The joke would definitely be on us then...

MRT: What was she going to write in the text? "Really enjoyed last night"?

STR: He can't have gone for a fag - I'm still here!

STR: I have 2.5 hours of my dad in the car. Need to be fucked.


MD: I'm going to take him home and fuck him silly.
MWT: That WOULD be silly!

JGHYB: An amazing dictionary which resembles a pregnancy test?